Version 1: Oblique
Dear neighbor,
I believe the prolonged and loud banging on my wall I have experienced intermittently over the last few weeks is coming from your apartment. I hope that you will find whatever is making this noise and correct it, as it is becoming increasingly obnoxious to me.
Version 2: Sarcastic
Dear neighbor,
I am pleased to hear, frequently and at great length and intensity, that you and your significant other(s) are enjoying a healthy relationship. I hope that I can continue to experience the world of auditory delight that this provides me, as it has kept me from resting or working excessively, which I would otherwise tend to do.
Version 3: Direct
Please move your bed away from the wall.
Version 4: Angry
Hey, asshole,
I have had it with the almost daily racket coming from your apartment. Your lack of regard for your neighbors is disgraceful. I am embarrassed to have company over because of you. If this continues, I'm going to do something about it.
Version 5: Gangsta
Yo.
If your bed don't stop rockin', I'm gonna come knockin'.
The Charming Mr. Wheaton
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My Dearest Gentle Readers,
It is with the greatest pleasure that I am able to inform you that on this
very day I was so delightfully privileged as to meet t...
15 years ago
I'm voting for the sarcastic note - thanks for the comment on my blog - I laughed out loud at the question you received from a student - then I read it aloud to Trevor and he laughed out loud too, followed quickly by a musing about the student perhaps needing some alibi for any one of many, many possible criminal activities.
ReplyDeleteversion 6: creepy enough to make him never bang on the wall again-
ReplyDelete"omg, it's so hot listening to you and tina go at it every night! i sit and listen next to the wall while i hold tina's picture in one hand and whack off with the other. oh, i've been meaning to ask you, would you ask tina to update her profile photo? i need to print a new one. my old one's gotten...well, you know.
gotta run, but hey, three (heh) "thumbs" up, buddy!"
Version 7: Steampunk
ReplyDelete"Your constant debauchery with that young harlot next door is interrupting my research. If it does not stop forthwith, I will be forced to demand satisfaction."
You could play the Arnold's Deepest Feelings remix really loud and see what happens. Or you could play some black metal really loud.
ReplyDeleteKawaika