Toph time!

Holy crap, I've gone fanboy. Okay, I'm wearing my Naruto headband and my Alucard hat, and it's time to talk like I have a retainer in my mouth, because I'm pulling out the stops (and the sanity) to go all-out fanboy.

I was on Deviantart earlier. I'm tired of the rep it gets as a home for softcore porn. It's that... AND lots of great fan-drawn pictures of anime shows. So, without further ado, everyone's favorite Earthbender. I picked pictures that I felt did a good job portraying the character differently than she appears on the show, while still keeping true to who she is.

http://greendesire.deviantart.com/art/Toph-Bei-Fong-56855462 A realistic picture of Toph's face.

http://lychi.deviantart.com/art/Toph-69678934 A very dynamic shot of Toph Earthbending. Bend away, Toph. Bend away.

http://piyoko-shannaro.deviantart.com/art/Toph-81195943 Toph cosplay! I felt the artist captured her personality as well as her costume.

http://nokomento.deviantart.com/art/TOPH-61317018 A uniquely comics-like Toph.

http://ninjatic.deviantart.com/art/Toph-Badass-70035962 A more realistic Toph.

http://poorachan.deviantart.com/art/LOAD-THE-TOPH-68548309 And last, because I had to include it, unabashed Toph cheesecake shot.

What have I become? *Tears in the rain...*

Don't judge me!

And, because I suppose it must be said, Toph is from the Nickelodeon show Avatar: The Last Airbender, and you should check it out.

Doomsday, aka Dog Soldiers Reunited

What do Terry, Joe, Spoon, and the Sarge from Dog Soldiers have in common?

They're all in Doomsday. Although only Spoon really gets much of a role, and even that is mostly as the guy following along whose presence really doesn't affect the story. At all. He's a foil. He might as well have foil wrapped around his head with a sign following him around that says, "Foil." I almost started hating him myself, even though he was spoon.

The lead character is a one-eyed, smoking badass who just doesn't give a shit (one of the other characters underlines this by saying, "You just don't give a shit, do you?") whose mission is to go into a quarantined zone where the locals have gone savage, on a secret mission to retrieve something of vital importance to the country.

And it's not Snake Plissken. (Or so they claim. Pretty much the only difference is it's a woman with a bionic eye. Oh, and she's emotionally scarred and out for nonspecific revenge.)

Take one part Mad Max, one part 28 Days Later, and one part Escape From New York. Mix thoroughly. Voila! Doomsday.

I was hoping there would be a zombie epidemic in this film, but I don't think the writers ever worked out whether or not the virus made people psychotic, or if people just went psychotic from fear/panic. At one point, an infected person murders a few people in cold blood, but it never explains why. I guess he just had issues.

The production values were pretty much off the hook and made the film great to watch at times (it also had some great shots of Scottish countryside), which is sad, because the writing was bottom-shelf and the characters weren't even stock; they had virtually no character at all.

The Mad Max reject villains and their over-the-top villainy were cool, but then I had a moment where I sat back and said, "Okay, now this is just silly." You see, the second group of bad guys had just wandered off the set of BBC's Robin Hood show, seeing as they were dressed in perfect medieval armor and carrying bows and things. They even hung out in a castle (I guess they got the weapons from the castle, but come ON! There was even a hawk in one of the scenes, and an old guy with a skullcap reading a mouldy tome). Oh, and they were led by Malcom McDowell in a fur cloak.

The movie also starred the guy who played Doctor Bashir in DS9 and Bob Hoskins, looking older and jowlier than ever. Not that either really matters.

I give the movie points for some imaginative sequences, particularly with the Mad Max ripoff post-apocalyptic villain gang, because I have a soft spot for that sort of thing, I suppose. But I just can't support the movie as a whole. When we got to the Renfaire rejects as a villain group, my brain said, "The hell with this, I'm going back to sleep" and my body spent the rest of the movie watching alone.

That wasn't a particularly coherent review, but it wasn't a particularly good movie, and my brain is still fighting me. I'm inclined to give it 4 stars on Netflix just because Hollywood needs more cannibalistic savages in leather. But I won't, because that would be just dishonest. Three stars for effort.

I think the bottom line is that a movie like this needs a strong leading character that the audience enjoys spending time with, watching him or her kicking ass and getting into all kinds of bizarre situations. This movie just doesn't deliver that. The heroine is, to use a Kevin Smith line, weak sauce.

And the hot savage woman who appeared in all the promo work? Dead in the first third of the movie, although that's not the last we see of her. I think she spends about as much screentime dead as alive.

Just like the movie as a whole.

Last thought: at one point in the movie, our heroes stumble across the BIGGEST HERD OF COWS EVAR. Why, then, are the bad guys all cannibals? I guess they just really like the taste of people....

When Nature Attacks!

Yesterday, as I was catching a ride home with a friend of mine, I noticed something small and chitinous crawling under my pants near my ankle. I tried to shake it out, but a few minutes later I noticed it at my knee. I tried to flick it away, but again, it resurfaced near my hip. Ack! Finally I managed to shake it out of my pant leg after getting out of the vehicle, but that was an awfully interesting car ride.

I think Mother Nature has it in for me.

Arches National Park is Down an Arch

No, it has nothing to do with computers, but as a Utah citizen who has visited the park before, I found this interesting.

http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,5143,700249410,00.html

It's fascinating to think that something as seemingly timeless as a rock formation slowly gives in to erosion. Entropy, my friends, will destroy everything. Even humanity, one day, will succumb to these patient and inescapable forces.

Unless, of course, we perfect our immortal robot bodies in time.

Great googly moogly!

I'm excited about technology again! Why didn't anyone tell me about http://www.hulu.com before? You can watch free streaming television LEGALLY! Yes, I know that the last word is the only thing that makes this new to me, but it's definitely a load off my mind to know that I won't have to 'brb fbi', not to mention that warm fuzzy feeling in my cockles that I get to, at least in some small way, support the shows I like.

And what have I been watching? "I Survived a Japanese Game Show." The people involved are all complete douchebags, of course, but that's not the point: the point is just how messed up Americans get when Japanese people totally screw with them, not to mention how hilarious it is to see what Americans will put up with for a chance at money. The best part is people crying or yelling, full of sound and fury about "I don't want to leave this! I want to win!", when, when you think about it, they're getting worked up over a show that makes them dress up ridiculously and perform insane stunts. HILARIOUS! Major kudos to whoever thought this up. Ritualized humiliation for Americans.

Oh, no!

I'm starting to become bored with technology. I feel like I'm at a point where I don't really want the next big thing. Maybe it's just that I've been too thoroughly disappointed with too many new, cool gadgets; not things I've bought, but things I looked forward to, and ultimately felt let down by. Or maybe it's just that there are such obvious strains of internet memes that none of it feels new or cool any more. Even "All Your Base" just feels like an old, tattered stuffed animal that I still get out now and then just because I used to like it so much.

I have a feeling this is fairly inevitable for our generation. We are so inundated with technology that, sooner or later, we're going to come to the realization that we don't really need any of it. The other day, I was in the Apple store thinking of buying an iPod Touch. The expert there made it sound miraculous (I think he even used that word) and told me, "I guarantee you'll love it." When I really thought about it, though, it simply didn't appeal to me. I don't feel rushed into checking the internet all the time: Facebook and MySpace are so quiet that I think I see tumbleweeds and old-timers sitting on the porch saying, "Yep. I reckon." I don't want to check my e-mail more than I already do because there's simply no point to it. And frankly, I hardly listen to music any more. It's just something I can't find much passion in. In the end, I decided that a $300 gadget I really wouldn't use all that much would be a bad investment.

Even today, I had a moment where I thougth to myself, "I should play some PS3." But then I realized that playing felt a bit like a chore, and I would much rather be reading a book, so I read some Soon I Will Be Invincible instead, and thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Go figure.

When Technology Attacks!

I saw an ad today for a laser hair removal kit you can use at home. Permanently remove body hair from the comfort of your own bathroom.

What were they thinking? When the frat boys get their hands on it, the planets will fall out of alignment and the long dark times will be upon the world!

That, and there will be a lot of very awkward hair restoration requests.

Thanks, Best Buy

I had my LCD HDTV calibrated today. I had two guys sitting in my bedroom for upwards of an hour, tapping away at different functions of the television. It's supposed to make the picture more color-detailed, but so far it just seems to have made everything darker. Not only that, but I have a sneaking suspicion they turned down the sharpness of the set, because some of that OMG ITS FUL OF STARS razor's-edge sharpness seems to have faded; maybe that's just an illusion because the screen is darker now.

My real complaint is that they used a sensor that attached to the middle of the television. Although they made token attempts at cleaning the screen afterwards, there's still a smudge in the middle of my screen. Seriously, guys. If you would have just washed the thing before sticking it on my TV, I wouldn't have a bunch of dark suction-cup rings there now. I really can't enjoy my (supposedly) better colors with a black smear smack in the middle of my TV screen.

Well, it will supposedly extend the life of my TV by half, so I hope I'm not sounding too ungrateful. I would have had to buy cleaning stuff for my screen sooner or later anyway. But was it really worth three hundred bucks? That I really can't speak to.

Still, like I said, longer life really is nice.

The importance of being a jerk

It's just a random thought I had because of a comment on my last entry that very thoughtfully and accurately pointed out that another problem with cyberpunk is that people no longer question the Man and stand up for themselves, they revere the slavish goons of the corporate estate who do what they're told. I say it's good for people to call you an asshole once in a while. That means you're going your own way and showing people that you don't just blindly follow. You're taking chances and making waves. You're being an individual, and anything else is just wasted space. So be a jerk when it's important. Tell people they're just plain wrong. Don't compromise. The world was never changed by people who went with the flow. Passionate people make a difference.

This blog is brought to you by Toph, who always speaks her mind. Because Avatar: The Last Airbender is just that kind of awesome.

The Problem with Cyberpunk

I think the main reason cyberpunk died out is not because technology has become too mainstream, which is the reason I frequently hear. I think it's because there were no decent cyberpunk movies made! Apart from The Matrix, which was made after the time the industry declared cyberpunk dead, I couldn't think of a single even halfway decent cyberpunk film. I mean, just look at Johnny Mnemonic. Yeesh. And before you start mentioning anime, I want you to take off your Naruto headband and your Inuyasha ears and remember that anime has about as much relevance to mainstream American culture as Bollywood does.

Well, I don't think that thought really went anywhere. I'm not sure I even agree with it. But hey, I'll throw it out there, and see what the internet (read: the two people who read this blog) thinks.

And here's a thought about modern technology that has a bearing on cyberpunk: modern tech is slowly making us stupid by taking away the importance of knowing things. It used to be that facts and understanding were vital to life; these days, I myself have often fallen into the trap of thinking, "I don't have to remember this; I'll just Google it" or "I don't know what that is, but I won't ask; I can just look it up on Wikipedia." Whatever happened to the importance of sages, those who knew and understood so much? Is the internet becoming the one great sage of our time, while we become nothing more than its drooling supplicants?

My completely arbitrary decision is that you're just not allowed to be an expert (or even to THINK that you're an expert) on anything if you start your statements with, "Well, I read somewhere on the internet...."

Unrelated note: Remember my post about McCain and his slip about the Illuminati? The 'comment' section keeps disappearing. Only on that one post, too.... Are they trying to