Because I Try to be Balanced

I found this on Facebook. Now, of all the things they could have highlighted in a game about Conan, things like an awesome fantasy setting, exotic locations, high adventure, weird magic, the chance to be a hero; they had to go with violence and people wanting to ban it? I love Conan and the Hyborian Age and everything sword-and-sorcery, and I love video games, and yet this ad still fails to get me the least bit excited for playing this game. Do they really think people are going to devote hours of their lives to something every week just because it's violent? Sometimes I swear the people who write the ads for Facebook are 14. Or they're probably not 14, they probably unhip old dudes trying to fumble blindly at that demographic based on focus groups they didn't understand and what they occasionally overhear their own kids saying. Conan is so much more than just violence, and it's definitely better than just trying to attract attention by being controversial. Come on. That puts it on the same level as GWAR. You don't want to go there. It's about adventure and mystery and heroism and wonder, not about getting your mom angry when she catches you playing it.

I have a better idea for an ad. It goes, "Know, o Prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread upon the world like blue mantles beneath the stars...."

Now that's something sure to get me hooked.

Don't even get me started why they're using some chick with cleavage instead of Conan himself. Reminds me of that ad with the half-naked woman for some game that was always popping up everywhere a few months ago. Just who is their target audience, considering the game is rated 18+? (That's a rhetorical question.)

Open Letter to Facebook

Dear Facebook,

We used to have so much fun together. You were a place to post funny or interesting links. I could share my pictures or look at other peoples' pictures. It was good times. Do you remember those times, Facebook?

Because then everyone started using games. Really crappy games. And you kept telling me about it. You kept telling me ALL about it. Then eventually you let me tell you to shut up about it, and it was good.

But then the status thing started getting worse. People started enjoying talking about themselves, and the 'like' button just fed their ego. The results? Chaos. Madness. Now I have friends who tell me half a dozen times a day that they're washing their car. Or going to the mall. Or watching TV.

Facebook, I feel dirty. I feel like I know way too much about the lives of people I don't know. I feel like I need help. I need a restraining order. I need the world to give itself a little more privacy.

Because if I really wanted to know, I could always, you know, ask.

Your friend,
bluefish