Aloisius's New Teeth

Aloisius Dell, a kindly old Southern gentleman, sat in his rocking chair on the porch of his charming mansion, watching the young people going up and down the road he rememebered when it was just a muddy cart path. He squinted his old eyes as he watched the old country doctor stop his new automobile next to Aloisius's buggy and then walk up the path carrying his black leather bag.

"What can I do for you, doctor?" said Aloisius with a smile.

"Just coming by to check up on you, Mr. Dell. Sure is a lovely little garden you have here." The doctor pushed his glasses further up his nose. "How have things been?"

"Oh, just about as fine as ever. Enjoying a beautiful day," said Aloisius, adjusting his monocle.

"I'm mighty glad to hear that, Mr. Dell," said the doctor. "You know, I have something here, just for you."

Aloisius narrowed his eyes. His eyesight wasn't as good as it used to be. "And what would that be, doctor?"

"Well, I've heard it through the grapevine that you've been having a bit of trouble chewing your food, Mr. Dell. So I thought I'd get you fixed up with some new teeth."

Aloisius stood up so quickly he almost knocked his rocking chair over. Keeping one hand on the chair's arm for balance, he shook the other at the doctor. "Now listen here! Aloisius Dell, Esquire does not need no false teeth! I'm still hale and hearty, and don't you forget it!"

"But they'll be just like your own teeth! It'll make a world of difference," insisted the doctor.

Aloisius put his hands on the hips of his waistcoat. "Don't you start that with me! They still call me 'Colonel Dell' in town. Go ahead, ask me which war I fought in!"

The doctor mopped his brow with his handkerchief. He could see this was going to take a while. He rested on Aloisius's veranda and said, "What war were you in, Mr. Dell."

"Just about all of them!" said Aloisius fiercely. "I stormed Omaha Beach more times than you've had warm meals! Just you ask anyone in town."

The doctor smiled gently. "And when's the last time you've been to town, Mr. Dell?"

Aloisius scratched his head, sighed, and sat back down heavily in his chair. "Been a while, I reckon. Oh, all right. Just leave them teeth on the step."

The doctor smiled and nodded. "Of course, Mr. Dell. You just let me know if they cause you any trouble."

After the doctor's car drove out of sight, Aloisius rose and went to the strange object on his porch. He tried them in. They didn't feel so bad at all.

"Hmm," he said, scratching his white goatee. "Maybe it's time me and Jenny went to the town again. And who knows, maybe it's time I got some new spectacles, too. But first I'll see how them teeth work out."

Of course, Mr. Aloisius Dell, Esq. was a lifelong bachelor.

Jenny was the name of his rocket launcher.


*** In completely unrelated news, I bought 2 gigs of RAM for my Dell computer to bring the total up to 3. It seems to work well so far. Maybe eventually I'll get a new graphics card, too. But first, I'll see how them RAM work out.